Today I told my family I'​m joining a football club. My mum asked "​to lose weight or make friends?"​.

Today I arrived home from a date that I thought had gone well, when my mother burst into laughter and asked who let me leave the house looking the way I did. Hmm.

My husband'​s parents came over to see the dog he just bought. His dad especially loves her. Which he expressed by saying "​Finally you have a bitch I like!"​

Today, my brother (16) and I (19) both came home after curfew. He was cheeky about it so he got grounded and I didn'​t. I was laughing at him about it, until he said "​but you'​re something I'​m not... a virgin"​. Touche.

Last week I split up with my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I actually told him he wouldn'​t find someone like me again. He said if he visited the mental ward he would.

Today I acted out my part in an upcoming play for my mum. When I was finished, she said I should be in Hollywood. I was pleased until she added "​the walk would do you good"​ and laughed, for a very long time, at her own joke.

Today a taxi driver referred to me as a woman. I simply stared at him, and he seemed to realise his mistake. As shown by him bursting into maniacal laughter.

My mom just told me she used to really want kids, but changed her mind around 18 years ago. I'​m 19.

Last night I had sex with my new girlfriend for the first time. I'​m ginger and she made jokes about nicknaming me Red Dwarf.